Continued...

Second, I had no idea how difficult it would be for my husband and I to trust her into the care of other people.

This may have been the biggest thing that I was blind-sided by. We are so blessed to have an enormous community of friends and family/framily who we walk through life with. While pregnant, I vowed to keep our weekly date nights and to just leave our newborn in the care of one of the many people that love her.

Being pregnant with my daughter was the easiest part of her life for me, so far. I knew she was safe, what she was eating, what she was hearing, and who she was with at every single moment. After she was born, the worst case scenarios constantly plagued my mind. The sweet older ladies at church offering to baby sit gave me anxiety as they reached to cuddle her! What if they dropped her? Coughed on her? Handed her to someone?

This has improved as she has gotten older, my hormone filled anxiety has improved, and time has showed us that babies are much more durable than I previously thought, but it is still a factor that has taken a lot of time to adjust to.

Lastly, I had no idea how deeply attached I would be to the person we created.

Literally, from the moment I found out I was pregnant with her, she overtook my every thought. I had an incredibly difficult time staying focused on anything else, because she consumed me. The chemical explosion of hormones and pheromones made my brain total mush and I dreaded the thought of having to share her with the world, while still desperately wanting to share her with the world.

I had no idea how deeply attached to her I would become while she was still the size of a walnut. Even now, the deep level of attachment that I feel to her even as a tiny toddler is so intense. Other moms tried to warn me about this part of motherhood during my pregnancy, tears filled their eyes as they tried to explain it.

“It is a love so intense that it is almost painful,” they said, “It is all consuming, your heart feels like it is actually outside of your body.” At least they tried to warn me, as I’m trying to warn you, but there is no way to fully know until you are there.

I wish that I had known how permanently and completely the decision to become a parent would alter our lives in the best way possible- that no matter how much I planned and plotted for our future, the moment that she entered into the world, we would never be the same.

Related Article: The Changing Seasons of Motherhood